Ten Ways to Procrastinate

A few tips that can help you avoid getting shit done.  Or it you want to look at it from a different perspective: What Not To Do.  

10. Put on The Newsroom.  After awhile, you won’t even remember where you are, or that there’s a pile of homework awaiting.

9. Make lists, like this very one you’re reading.  The time it took me to write this, I could have my algebra finished…

8. Twiddle your thumbs. Hey, this counts as exercise!

7. Walk the dog. It may be 110° outside, there’s a good chance you’ll melt, and Fido may give you the evil eye all day long, but hey the dog’s not going to walk himself.  Don’t have a dog?  Borrow your neighbor’s.  Procrastinating means being resourceful!

6. Eat stuff. Preferably food, it’s up to you really, as to what you put in your mouth.

5. Make a cape out of your favorite blanket. Then parade around the house in it, feeling so accomplished.

4. Kern. Now that I can kern like there’s no tomorrow, I like to do it to pass the time.  There’s that handy dandy little kerning game that I enjoy so much.

3. Contemplate the meaning of life. Why are we here?  What is our purpose?  What does it even mean?  Why do I have a massive cowlick in my hair?

2. Fall into Facebook. It really is like falling down a deep well, with no stepping-stones to climb out, and no one hears your screaming.  Maybe it’s not that dramatic, but when you look at the clock next you wonder how six hours went by.

1. Look at something shiny. Sometimes you just can’t help your-

…self from looking.

To Kern or not to Kern, that is the question.

Starting my Saturday off with a little Shakespeare butchering. Whoo AHHAHHA.  So as you may or may not have noticed, I am in love with typography, but there is a minor inconsistency to that truth….I still sorta suck at kerning. *Flinches.  Please save throwing your tomatoes at my face till after reading my post.

I have been practicing my posterior (I have wanted to use that freaking word ALL week) off, even found a spiffy kerning game to practice with.  I have been improving, and by improving I mean sucking less.

I kern almost as well as a squirrel

That’s not to say that I haven’t been trying, but for a few days I was at my wits end and wanted to hire an assistant, whose sole purpose would be to follow me and kern my every sentence. Tempting, but not…morally right. Or so the angel on my left shoulder tells me.

I can’t live a lie, and that is exactly what I would be doing…even though I did have someone take me up on that offer because I think my absurd thoughts out loud. That person whose name will remain anon, is beyond magnificent!

In my search for the gleaming golden glorious secret to kerning, I have come to this conclusion: Kerning was creating for only the most anal-retentive-OCD-examine-every-detail-with-a-magnifying-glass-kind-of-person.  I am not such a person, which makes no sense seeing as I am a freaking Capricorn and we’re supposed to have that ingrained in our eyeballs.

My summer break will consist of me on a quest to find the unknown secret to kerning.  I am sure danger and intrigue will follow me every waking moment of the adventure, and there may even be pirates involved, I don’t know.

What I do know is, come next quarter this wench will be kerning like her blog so rightly deserves.

Never ask a man to cook. He will try to burn the house down for payback.

My night classes go pretty late, so in the past two weeks Kenny and I have been getting fast food.  Terrible, I know, but I am too dead tired to go home and cook after work/classes.  So tonight I asked him to cook up some turkey burgers for us to eat.

It seemed like the easiest plan…I could not have been more wrong!!

I got to the casa around 10pm to find our apt filled with smoke and some vile stench that is still undetermined.  My boyfriend just sitting there on the sofa with this big stupid grin on his face, that lets me know he finds this highly amusing.

I tread with caution into the kitchen to find two blackened patties, that look more like hockey pucks, sitting in the frying pan, the stove still on.

He says he cursed every swear word in the book at the smoke detector that kept going off (gee, I wonder why) and one of the burgers actually caught on fire.

This is a guy that if something is broken he hires someone to fix it.  The only tool we have is a hammer, and that’s just to hang pictures on the wall.  I was just thrilled the fire dept wasn’t there hosing off my closet that I just organized. 

Right before I was about to tear him a new one, I stopped and realized that it was a minor incident in the grand scheme of things.  I was just happy he wasn’t hurt and that no major damage was done.  So he rinsed off the pan and I showed him the proper technique for making burgers.

People are simply more important than frying pans (or clean fresh air).